After 9 tries at taking my blood

I spend nearly 2 hours to give 3 ml of blood this morning. After 9 tries and 5 nurses... finally they were able to get blood from my vein. During the process.... i sat there... feeling so sorry for myself coz i knew that the beta blood test is going to be negative as i did a hpt this morning with only 1 line. I did not want to look sad or cry out or be angry as i did not want the nurses to feel bad poking me this many times.. I knew they tried their best.

Strangely, i was at this stage where i do not care if they poke me 20 times ... all i want is for them to take my blood and so i can have a finale answer..

Seriously, i dont know why it took them this many times.,... i guess my veins must be all shrink up knowing its going to deliver bad news.

1 hour after blood taking, i met the gynae who told me what i already knew this morning. My beta level was a miserable 3.7 and i am not pregnant.I took the news very calmly... almost relief to finally hear the outcome.... Its like the worse is over..Its like quietness after a storm... It can only get better from today onwards..

Maybe its just not the right time... Maybe what is good have to be fought even harder for...

I am deciding to take a good 6 months break before i embark on this crazy wild ride again.