After 9 ghost lines

Since the last post, i have peed on more sticks, totalling of 9 hpts with 9 similar ghost lines.
If its pregnyl that was causing the lines, it sure didn't lighten.... if its pregnancy, it sure didnt darken.

For the past year or so, i have been obsessing over getting pregnant again. Everything i do or plan has always been influenced by it. I would buy a dress based on the fact that it looks like i could wear it if i get pregnant... etc

This is my third round of IVF in attempt to try for a second child. Three times...non stop with only 2 months break in between..... i think im tired...i hope today will be the last day of waiting to be pregnant.

I am going to have my husband beside me this time when the doctor breaks the news to me. The last round, i was alone at the mall when i got a call saying 'sorry, your beta is only 3... u r not pregnant' I could not control my tears, it swelled up in my eyes just kept flowing...I had to face a wall in the crowded mall so that no one could see me cry.

Today......is today the closest i can get to pregnancy? Or would i finally rejoice? How is my life going to change ? Tomorrow....