Comfort eating

I did 2 more home pregnancy tests and they are still positive at the moment. My emotions are all over the place today. One moment i am almost certain im pregnant, and next a deep sense of lost.

Food and prayer was what kept me going today. I ate at Din Tai Fung for lunch. I had fried rice, dan dan noodles, 2 cold dishes and 1 basket of xiao long bao (shared with my hubby).

For dinner, i ate curry fish head, fried small squid and kai lan vegetables with big bowl of rice.

Tonight, i will try to sleep well. I shall leave here with the serenity prayer which i thought is very meaningful at moments like this;

Deja vu

Deja vu. There are 2 lines, but inconclusive.

Had the same experience roughly around the same time during the previous 2ww.

In case you would like to know what i am talking about.

http://ivfsingapore.blogspot.com/2008/03/my-blog-was-really-meant-to-have-fairy.html

Please dont be happy for me yet. I beg that you pray for me instead.

I am very stressed out right now. I did one yesterday ( the bottom one) and did one again early this morning. Both of them are different brands. The one i did yesterday was much darker line than the one I did today.

A few things can happen:

1. I am not pregnant. The pregnyl is wearing off since today is 3 days after my 1000unit low dose booster shot.

2. I am pregnant. The pregnyl is wearing off faster than my beta hcg can climb.

3. Its 2 different brands and may have different minimum detection level, so the tone of the lines cannot be interpreted at all.

I 'feel' pregnant' this round. I have a good feeling of it. But I cant help being very cautious for the sake of self preservation.

Conclusion is : I am very miserable now. Today is the hardest day of the entire IVF cycle.

i bought HPT

i did it. i went out and bought those peesticks..

11dp2dt

I cannot believe i have almost reached the end of my 2 ww. I am so excited and at the same time really darn frightened by the idea of peeing on a stick. I did a pregnyl booster shot of 1000 units just day before yesterday so its very likely that the pregnyl is still in there. But i am so so so so tempted to hpt! So much so that I dont dare to step out of the house today ( my off day) to go to the mall to do some banking. I am very sure temptation will take over me and i will zombie my way into the pharmacy to buy tons of hpts and start my testing today.

I do have some symptoms.

- slightly sore boobs and nipples
- hungry all the time
- wakes up in the middle of the night to pee
- thirsty all the time
- tired
-slightly nauseous if i go hungry
- slight cramping
- bloatedness

Unsure if its progesterone induced mock symptoms or the real thing. -

Cant hurry readiness

Fertility treatment is like a marathon, if you are mentally unready to run, it makes every step harder, alot harder. But if you are mentally set... then its a much easier journey. I am a 'ivf marathon' runner. Been running and had meet 3 bfn high walls.. but still am running. I can only do this not because my desire for a child is more than others, and not because i am less immune to disappointment than others.. But its because i am mentally ready for the run. So , my take is.. you cant hurry readiness, you will know when you are ready,I believe it wont take too long before you start running too.. because you are googling for fertility blog!

i am always hungry lately

I think worrying takes up energy, I was so hungry today. The one good thing about 2 week's wait is that dieting is the last thing in my mind. And eating protein and satisfying myself in a gastronomic way take precedence.

For dinner, I went to Aston's at east coast. i had prime ribeye with baked potatoes and house salad as side. Had a mushroom soup which i find it way too bland, I ended up shaking lots of salt in it. i topped the meal off with a basket of garlic bread. I enjoyed my steak.

During my dinner, my conversation with my hubby was about 'to do or not to do hpt this weekend'. We calculated that if the half time of pregnyl is 33 hours. It will take 6 to 7 days to completely clear out of the system. Gosh, this waiting is a torture, it sure makes me hungry. And speaking of which, I am munching on a red bean nonya cake now.

Consolation is, at least this 'torture chamber ' that i am in let me indulge gastronomically.

I found the perfect 2 words describing 2 week's wait

TORTURE CHAMBER

question from the comments page

This morning, I received a comment asking some questions on IVF which i thought I would share here.

Question from commenter f:
Hi, i stumbled upon your blog when looking around for IVF in Singapore. I am 26 and my husband is 27. We have been trying for the past 1.5 years, with 8 cycles of Clomid and 1 cycle of IUI.The IUI failed and I had a very early miscarriage at bout 5 weeks with my first cycle of Clomid. My hubby wants us to try IVF.

How much did u spend in total and who did u go to?
My biggest concern is the emotional strain this will put on our relationship. Any advice?

Dear f, this is my answer:
The cost for IVF in KK hospital is typically around $6k to $8k.
NUH is about $1k to $2k more than kk.

The cost for IVF in a private clinic varies a bit more, typically $12k and above.

The government allow us to use medisave for the first 3 rounds. $6k, $5k and $4k respectively for 1st,2nd and 3rd round.

Recently, government allow IVF subsidy of up to 50% of up to 3k for up to 3 rounds of IVF.

Facing the struggles of conception is a challenge, no matter if you have chosen IUI or IVF or any other path. Btw, I read that IUI requires 3 or 4 tries to maximum success rate. I recalled seeing a graph on it somewhere. For many of the IVF cyclers, IUI is not an option because of the type of infertility condition. Do check with you doctor if you should continue with IUI or go to IVF straight.

Personally, I feel that IVF gives hope to my marriage. If there is no such thing as IVF for me, I may feel at the end of the rope. IVF gives both my husband and I hope of a family. I think choosing to do IVF when you are mentally ready will be the next best thing. All the best for your decision making.

4 more days before I do a HPT

I am so full! I had dinner at Lagoon Food Village with my family. We had fish ball noodles, fried oysters, BBQ chicken wings, BBQ stingray, salted duck soup and rice, finished off with refreshing sugarcane drinks.

Afterwards, we went to the seaside for a stroll, my daughter enjoyed herself running around and looking at the ships nicely lit up across the horizon. The east coast stretch of beach is rather lovely in the night with nice breeze and tinted lights. As i held hands with my daughter, I wonder to myself of the possibility that i may already be pregnant with her sibling. Such a wonderful feeling.

We got into the car and realised that my daughter and I stepped on some dung, it was stinking up the car. Luckily we had some water to wash the souvenir off the bottom of our shoes. There is a saying that if you accidentally step on poo, it will bring one good luck.

6dp2dt

I am sitting in the resting lounge at my husband's workplace right now as he is off to do some work. I read through some of my old entries while i was in my 2ww of my previous cycle. I note that the real anxiety came the moment i took the home pregnancy tests 12 or 13 days post egg retreival. I hope i will find the courage to not take a home pregnancy test until at least, this saturday. My beta blood test at the clinic is scheduled 23 october, that is like 19 days from my egg retreival or 17 days post transfer.

As for symptoms, I feel a little crampy around the abdomen area..around the ovaries. I feel like my taste buds changed and also i feel a little nauseas since yesterday. It might be the utrogestan, it could also means my embryos have implanted and my body is experiencing slight changes. I sure hope its implantation.

Pray for me.