Whats up next stop? Its... FET

I have taken these months between the last post and this to recoup and reconcile with myself over the failed cycle.  Have been enjoying my food alot and gained 4kg/ 10 pounds over this period. This morning, stepped on my scales and saw a new milestone in weight. 60.00kg. Shucks! I better start eating healthier and more mindfully.

I used to think that the maximum number of fresh cycle that I would undergo is 10. But it looks like this number no longer is a barrier to my baby dreams. I might just go as far as it takes to bring my baby home. I may consider stopping if I am still unsuccessful in a few years time when age really catches up.

My next baby plan is to start FET in August/Sept cycle. I have 2 frozen blastocysts waiting.

Stay Calm and Keep Trying

Sipping a cuppa coffee

Havent had a cup of nice coffee for a while now. It is so nice to sip on one now. If this is a viable pregnancy, I will be 6 weeks plus now. I haven't miscarried technically as my menses hasn't arrived after stopping all hormones support medication for 1 week. I do have stains and slight spotting in different shades of red, pink and purple plum.

As a recap on my beta ordeal

On 2 days intervals, my beta were 100, 116, 316, 166, 134 (asked to stop all meds).. 1 week has pass, beta 78...... still waiting for my menses.

Beta hcg update

Prior to 11dp5dt, I was convinced that my ivf didnt work and then I had a bfp on a pee stick. Went in for beta on 12dp5dt and it turned out 100. I was elated until today 14dp5dt, my 2nd beta turned out 116. No doubling.  Most likely chemical pregnancy.

Im told most likely non viable pregnancy, but come in 2 days later for another test and to stop all meds if level falls.

Shit happens. Shucks!

Overcoming obstacles

I did the pee test. Its negative. Its ok, I'll try again in 1 or 2 menses cycles time. Meanwhile, I'll heal the pain with patience and being thankful for all the blessings I have this life now.

Thank you for cheering me on in your heart. Dont lose hope if your obstacles seem challenging, Coz, one fine day you will leap across... Just be patient.

7dp5dt

Couldnt sleep last night, woke up alert very early today, needed to pee. Feeling hot flushes and sore boobs with a mild headache on the right side of my head. Surfed the internet forum and read that papaya should be avoided during 2ww. This info freaks me out because I ate some papaya couple of days ago..  'keep calm , keep calm'. Im telling myself that if its critical information,  my doctor would have told me to avoid it.

2 more days to testing...

6dp5dt

I got a positive! Ya right, a positive for urinary tract infection. Started antibiotics last evening and is feeling much better when I use the loo now, otherwise it felt like a crab pinched my peehole at the end of each pee attempt.

First of all, I hardly ever get uti. May be once in a few years? I should have peed again shortly after being cathetered during Embryo Transfer. If I did, I wonder if it would havd made a difference. I asked my RE if uti during the 2ww might affect chances for a bfp. He said it wouldnt affect a weeee bit. I just have to believe him.

I think I might skip poas (pee on a stick) this time. The last few cycles, my mind really got screwed up badly by the false positives (probably residual effect of the pregnyl jabs administered during the 2ww support). During the last cycle ivf#8, I did a digital hpt at my mom's house and it turned positive, it wrote 'pregnant' on the stick. You can guess the rest.. I told everyone at mom's place and was happy as a lark, but only for 1 day.  On the day of hcg blood test and it turned out bfn. I did another hcg blood test and the hcg dropped further to near zilch.  Darn pregnyl shots.  It was so so hard and embarrassing to have to break the news to everyone who witnessed my happy dance the other day while holding the positive hcg stick. I felt like an idiot.

Really, so i think it might be wiser to lay off from poas especially since I'm jabbing myself with pregnyl this round too, on top of inserting cyclogest into my vjayjay twice daily and popping progynova.

This waiting ... this 2ww... is excruciating.  I've been on the ivf wagon for way too looong. Please let this time be a bfp and baby in arms 9 months later.  Pouring lots of baby dust on myself........ :)

4dp5dt

It is a beautiful morning today.  Life is beautiful because it is a gift. Health is a gift and so is life. Live each day fully, even when you are in a stage of limbo like the 2ww. Thats my motto today.

The 48 hours bedrest

After the embryo transfer, I was told not to move for 4 hours. The nurses used a patslide and slided me from the surgery bed to the trolley bed and then to the bed in the room where spent the next 4 hours just lying flat on my back.  When 4 hours up, I got up and left the room, waited for the lift, walked to the carpark to hubby car. I was probably on my feet for 10 to 15 mins during this period. The car journey home was 20 minutes. I got out of the car and took the lift up to my apartment. Once inside, climbed onto bed and carried on with my bedrest on my back.  Only got up for dinner and pee breaks.  I struggled to stay on my back in the night but couldnt fall asleep and so I succumbed to sleeping on my side.

I am 1dp5dt. 8 more days before I poas and 11 more days before the official hcg blood test.  

Day 5 embryo transfer update

My embryos did a stellar performance. Out of the 8 eggs retreived, 6 viable eggs, 5 fertilised embryos, 4 embryos survive and are blastocysts at day 5.

2 great looking blastocysts were transferred. 2 more blastocysts are frozen for rainy day.

I am still pleasantly shocked that a poor responder with diminished ovarian reserve (DOR) like me can have 4 beautiful blastocysts. I am very very thankful n pleased.  I am praying that these blastocysts transferred will implant and be my baby/babies.

My hcg test is 12 days from now. Meanwhile, my 2ww begins.. 

3 days post retrieval

Dear baby to be

Today, our doctor informed us that you are developing beautifully.  All 5  fertilised embryos not only survived but also look good. We have one 10 cells , two at 8 cells and two at 7 cells.
Doctor informed that there will be no transfer today, instead, we will go for blastocyst day 5 transfer. This is my 9th fresh ivf cycle and my very first attempt at day 5 transfer.

It is a wonderful assurance to me that this cycle might just be the one that hit home run. I am so so ready to be pregnant with you.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will have a minimum of at least 2 good blastocysts to transfer on day 5. 

Lots of love,
Your mother

Thank you Almighty God for the miracle and the mercy.  May the Lord continues to watch over the development beginnings of my 3rd child and bless my womb and let it be ready to receive this child. Amen

2 days old embryos

8 eggs retrieved during OR, out of which 6 are mature eggs, 5 fertilized and developing as I'm typing this. 

Transfer will either be day 3 which is tomorrow or day 5. Most likely day 3 dr said.

With the new fertility regulations,I am only allowed to transfer up to 2 embryos, since I'm under 37 yrs old. 

Post Egg retrieval update

My retrieval went smoothly. 8 oocytes/eggs were retrieved.  my uterine lining has thicken to 7.9mm and dr informed that we can go ahead to do the embryo transfer in 3 to 5 days time.

Out of the 8, dr says some look immature which I expected since some follicles were as small as 10mm during trigger. Dr is aiming to maintain the 2 leading follicles at optimal quality and triggered when these 2 were 18mm.

Thank God that things have so far progressed smoothly. 

Right now, I look forward to good outcome in the fertilization process, embryo development process, embryo transfer process before I begin my 2 weeks wait and pregnancy test.

Day 11 - 1 day post trigger

Dear my baby-to-be,

I am so excited that I am 1 step closer to conceiving you. Thank God we make it to 1 day before oocyte retrieval with this new low dose fsh ivf protocol. You know, I am willing to inject any amount of drugs into my body just so to have a chance to be your mother. Just like for your 2 older sisters, my love for you begins in my heart even before you are in my womb.
Tomorrow, I will be checking into the hospital at 6am. The process of retrieving eggs is an interesting experience for me, its like giving birth to half of you. God plays a lead role in the making of you, I pray that God will bless us with His Touch and breathe your soul into my embryo. We call it fertilization process in conception, but indeed it is God fertilizing your spirit into those cells. The bible says that there is a time for everything... I pray with my heart and my soul that this is your time now.

Sometimes, I get scared and confused, what if I can not have you? What if I am make to give up before my heart says so? I so believe in you and in God's timing.

God placed a seed of desire for daddy and I to have you. God will see it through.

Day10 update

Did my scan today. I have about 7 follicles. 2 at 18mm a few around 13mm and the smallest at 10mm. My uterine lining is quite thin at 4.7mm.

Since the objective is to get 2 or3 good ones my RE decision is to trigger tonight.  My egg retreival is scheduled on Saturday. There is a possiblity the embryos will be frozen for transfer in my next month's cycle if my lining remains thin.

I never had thin lining issues. It kinda worrying to have a thin lining. Thin lining means not optimal for implantation means lower success rate. 

I got to have faith in my good RE to make the right judgement calls.

Crossroads- Day 7 update of ivf #9

Lately, I have been feeling very emotional. I pray that this ivf will be a success and resulting in a healthy baby  9 months later. At this point of life, going through ivf is akin to being in a life crossroad. I really dont know what lies ahead. I can only close my eyes and pray hard.

Sometimes I feel so very alone in this. I have decided not to tell anyone except my husband and my housekeeper.  I am not telling my parents because I dont want them to have to worry for me. Its better this way.

Going through 5 straight failed cycles dampens my ability to believe that I can be lucky and good things can happen to me but still I have to believe in good outcome. I have to repeat this in my head.. 'success can happen to me'
Tomorrow I will be seeing my fertility dr for my first scan. I hope that my reproductive organ is responding well to the 100mg clomid daily and also the little puregon I am on. 

Mini IVF Journey

' Hey, again? You never quit, do you..?'  A familiar face remarked yesterday.  ' 'Desire' was my reply. That one word sums it all up for me.

Today is my day 2 of my menses cycle. I am officially on my 9th fresh Ivf cycle (not including all the frozen cycles aka FET cycles). This time, I am using a new Fertility specialist and a new protocol. I am on a mini IVF. Drugs on this protocol includes 5 days of clomid  and alternate days of puregon injections from day 2 onwards. The 'mini' part of this ivf is associated to the lower dose of puregon. On a typical antagonist ivf cycle, assuming a 12 days stimulation cycle.  I will receive an estimated dose of 600iu x 11 days = 6600iu of puregon. For this cycle, its about 200iu x 6 = 1200iu.

Thats alot less FSH drugs.

The aim for mini Ivf is higher quality eggs in a lower quantity.  Mini IVF aims for 2 to 3 good eggs during retrieval.  

Yes.. no.9 ivf cycles not including frozen ivf cycles and still believing....Desire ....