Welcoming baby

 My bundle of joy has arrived. Ohhhhh....! All's worth it... all's worth it....

one last night of pregnancy

Many bfns ago, i would imagine the future of seeing my baby for the first time. Today, as i am typing this.. i realised how far this ivf journey has taken me... i am about to have my dream materialised tomorrow.

I thank God for all the blessings and the wisdom to keep going..

2 more days to C section

2 more days to the big day!

im going to see my baby !!!

im excited but scared too...

i am feeling so tired already, i wonder how i am going to survive the sleepless nights..

everything seems so surreal...

btw i feel like a beach whale now..

:)

35 weeks plus update

i had a 35 weeks growth scan a couple of days back, results were good except for my AFI level. AFI stands for amniotic fluid index or something, in short ... the water surrounding my baby in the water bag is on the lower side. The average acceptable range should be above 5cm and below 24cm. I was measuring 7cm. Anything below 5cm is not good, so i need to be closely monitored since im a borderline low AFI case. I am instructed to drink at least 3 litres of water and rest more on my left side. I am getting my AFI checked again in 4 days time and i hope my levels will be better by then.

I have decided not to try VBAC. I will opt for elective cesarean instead. I feel that its a safer route for my baby. Reason being :

1. had a previous C section hence 1 % chance of uterine rupture.
2. gestational diabetes
3. low AFI level of 7cm

On the bright side, my baby is growing well and is around 2.5kg now. I am looking forward to seeing my baby. Its been a long journey from IVF ttc till now.
I feel very blessed to be where i am now.

Hi !

I am 29 weeks now and so far so good. I gained a total of 8 kgs so far and am comtemplating on trying VBAC for delivery if possible. ( VBAC stands for vagina birth after ceasarean). I just started insulin injection twice a day due to my gestational diabetes. So I never stopped pricking myself with needles since IVF till now ... A typical day will be.. 7 finger pricks for monitoring my blood glucose and 2 jabs... its so not fun but i will have to do it.

I am so looking forward to having this baby in about 2 months time. Will post an entry on my labour story in due time.

My last entry - The silver lining

I went to National University Hospital yesterday for my NT Scan. Everything went well, thankfully. I saw my baby and i was sure my baby waved at me and gave me a thumbs up from the ultrasound.

My husband who has been a little reserved in expressing his joy over my pregnancy for self preservation purposes ... is very happy and assured now. I could tell that he is very touched and glad that we finally made it to where we are now.

I am closing the chapter to my IVF journey, maybe i'll begin a new chapter somewhere else on blog sphere on my further journey of pregnancy. After all, this blog is dedicated to readers in a way of providing my personal ivf experiences and information. After a few years of ttc for child no. 1 and then two over years with a total of 5 ICSI IVFs, 1 FET and 2 heartbreaking pregnancy lost , hitting over 21,000 blog hits and finally a 12 weeks bfp, Its time to move on, its job is done.

If there is one thing i have to be thankful for for my IVF experiences. It would be that it didnt break me and made me stronger..
- My faith is stronger
- My relationship is more resilient
- I am more appreciative of life
- the ivf objective is reached

To anyone who is reading this and undergoing IVF....please take heart that no matter how short or long your IVF journey may be..... hang tough and have faith.

For your cause is noble and the end result will be sweet and rewarding, in its own special way.


Meanwhile, I will be embracing this pregnancy wholeheartedly and pray to God for his continuous blessings and protection.

God Bless

Failed my glucose tolerance test - OGTT

On my last visit to the gynae, I was advised to do a OGTT which is usually reserved for pregnant ladies after 20 weeks. He thought that since I have a strong family history of diabetes and and the fact that I had gestational diabetes during my last pregnancy, that makes me a suspect.

I did my 2 hours oral glucose test challenge ( OGTT ) and i failed it. I am diagnosed with impaired glucose tolerance! Which means i am a prediabetic! There goes all the sweet stuffs, cakes, pastries, soda etc.

I bought a little machine to measure my glucose level. the brand is Accu-chek. I have to prick my fingers up to 7 times a day to monitor my glucose level. How fun! Duh! :(

I am 10 weeks now and i get to stop using crinone and pregnyl. And in 2 weeks time, I get to stop all my medications ( duphaston, progynova, proluton ). By then, my placenta should have swing into full function.

I gained some weight too. I started this cycle of IVF at 60kg, I was 62kg at 2 ww and I am 63.9kg now! Thats like a whooping 8 pounds in total.

I really need to be controlling what I eat, but seriously i didnt eat more than pre-IVF. May be my metabolism rate has slowed down alot and I am into the pregnancy fat conservation mode. I gained 28kg (60 pounds ) in my previous pregnancy. I really should be keeping my maximum weight gain to below 15kg this time round.

I like rainy windy weather

Today is such a day, its a windy and rainy morning. I didnt realise how wonderful it is until the strong wind started blowing into my bedroom window, filling my room with a sweet fresh dewy aroma of nature, the wind on my skin felt good too. It took away my morning sickness for a moment and everything smells so great. The sky is overcasted and the usually bright hot sunniness is mellowed down to a gentle tone. How soothing. 

Here is a list of things i want to get started:

1. Put my apartment up for sale

2. Store away clothings that are too tight and take out the loose ones from the sotrage bag. 

3. Shift my makeup stuff to another drawer thats out of reach from my daughter. 

4. Find healthy meal plans that are friendlier to my gastric and morning sickness.

5. Make conscious effort to watch my sugar intake. 

8 weeks 6 days ultrasound scan update

I went to the gynae today for my 8 weeks 6 days scan. I had a tummy scan and get to see my little peanut. Little peanut is 21mm in size with a heartbeat of 172beats per minute. Peanut is measuring just right. The thing is, my blood pressure test didn't turn out normal. I was 138/80, which is kinda high. The last time i did, it was rather high too. Gynae thought that it could be due to my anxiety knowing im going to get my scan right after. Or i could really be having high blood pressure! Gosh. I need to google a bit more on 1st trimester high blood pressure.  I am hoping its just the anxiety, will do the pressure test again tonight when im very relaxed. 

Gynae also told me to do a glucose challenge test since i had previous case of gestational diabetes,also he thinks that gestational diabetes can occur right from 1st trimester. i will be going to the hospital to do that 3 hours drink-glucose hourly-blood test thingy. I hope the test turns out fine. 

Did i mention that I am having morning sickness since 6 weeks? I don't puke, but i feel really queasy. The queasiness feels like seasickness. Gastric discomfort is also another pain in the butt, I feel like nothing gets digested and all the food i intake just seat around. Oh and the sense of smell... the air smells now, my dogs smells, everything smells. Some smell even became pungent. I am always tired too, sometimes dizzy. My tummy is hard and bloated too, I think i am suffering from some water retention, I look 5 months pregnant now.  the other day, I told my hubby that my tummy was feeling really hard and distended, he told me its just accumulated fats since i lay around so much now. I wish he was more tactful.

Still, I am grateful. After 5 fresh ICSI rounds and 1 FET..... i am just so grateful to be almost 9 weeks pregnant and counting on. 

Thank you God!

Officially a SAHM now

For the next many months, I have decided to focus on family and pregnancy. To officiate my first day as a Stay at home mom, I baked my first set of chocolate cupcakes together with my daughter who is turning 3 this july. 

I used to work part time doing fund raising, event organization and IT projects for a feminist organization here in singapore. This is my first real experience with working in a Voluntary  Welfare Organization. I gained lots of fun and valuable experiences from the work and projects and also on knowing how a VWO is run. I also experienced working in a office space in a residential area, under a hdb residential housing flat, from the window where i was sitting, i got to see neighbourhood children playing ball and grannies and mothers scrolling by with their strollers after marketing. It was a peaceful view compared to the usual city skyscapers view i had while i was working full time in  corporate companies awhile back.  With my freed up time now, I can also consider the option of volunteering once in a while in a charity that is closer to my heart, also getting interested in new things and taking up handicraft lessons. 

I have experienced being a stay home mom when i was pregnant with my daughter,  then continued to not work until she was about 2years old. That's almost 3 full years of stay home mom life. I guess i will be doing the same again, but this time, I hope to help out a little more with my husband's business. 

If i have to express my view on sahm vs working, I would say for both.. that i love it and hate it. I love working because of the identity thingy and the satisfaction i get from a work well done and for knowing im capable of financial independence. I hate it at the same time because of the occasional surges of stress that comes along and also the time i miss with my daughter, i dont feel good leaving her with care-giver. 

Actually, being a stay at home mom is a privilege... but privileges can be easily abused too, like i can get really laid back to the point of guilt instead of being focus on family and self improvement sometimes. I hope this time round, I will make use of my time alot better and feel proud doing all the things to make this family cozier and this household better and everyone including myself, happier.  I have to be contented that the grass will always seem greener on the other side when going get tough. :)

Right now,  whats most important to me is to continue this pregnancy and pray that this pregnancy will be smooth, healthy and normal. After all, i came a long ivf way to reach this point, i would like to stay pregnant and deliver this miracle if i have a choice.   

How big is your baby?

	Weeks 3 & 4*: Poppyseed Your little zygote is settling into your uterus... > More on what baby's up to
	Week 5: Appleseed Average size: .13 in** Major organs and systems are forming... > More on what baby's up to
	Week 6: Sweet Pea Average size: .25 in Blood is starting to circulate...  > More on what baby's up to
	Week 7: Blueberry Average size: .51 in Baby's brain is growing fast... > More on what baby's up to
	Week 8: Raspberry Average size: .63 in, .04 oz Little arms and legs are moving like crazy...  > More on what baby's up to
	Week 9: Green Olive Average size: .9 in, .07 oz A Doppler device might pick up a heartbeat... > More on what baby's up to
	Week 10: Prune Average size: 1.2 in, .14 oz Arm joints are working, and soon legs will too... > More on what baby's up to
	Week 11: Lime Average size: 1.6 in, .25 oz Fingers and toes are no longer webbed...  > More on what baby's up to
	Week 12: Plum  Average size: 2.1 in, .49 oz Almost all vital systems are fully formed...  > More on what baby's up to
	Week 13: Peach Average size: 2.9 in, .81 oz Teeth and vocal cords are appearing...  > More on what baby's up to
	Week 14: Lemon Average size: 3.4 in, 1.5 oz Liver, kidney and spleen are continuing to develop... > More on what baby's up to
	Week 15: Naval Orange Average size: 4.0 in, 2.5 oz Legs are finally longer than arms... > More on what baby's up to
	Week 16: Avocado Average size: 4.6 in, 3.5 oz Eyebrows, lashes and hair are filling in...  > More on what baby's up to
	Week 17: Onion Average size: 5.1 in, 5.9 oz Skeleton is hardening, and fat is accumulating... > More on what baby's up to
	Week 18: Sweet Potato Average size: 5.6 in, 6.7 oz Baby's moving like crazy -- feel anything yet? > More on what baby's up to
	Week 19: Mango Average size: 6.0 in, 8.5 oz Vernix caseosa is coating baby's skin... > More on what baby's up to
	Week 20: Cantaloupe Average size: 6.5 in, 10.6 oz Boy or girl, genitals are fully formed... > More on what baby's up to
	Week 21: Banana Average size: 10.5 in***, 12.7 oz Taste buds are starting to work... > More on what baby's up to
	Weeks 21-24 (Month 5): Papaya Average size: 10.5-11.8 in, 12.7-20.8 oz Nipples are sprouting, and face is fully formed! > More on what baby's up to
	Weeks 25-28 (Month 6): Eggplant Average size: 13.6-14.8 in, 1.5-2.2 lb Immune system is preparing for the outside world...  > More on what baby's up to
	Weeks 29-32 (Month 7): Squash Average size: 15.2-16.7 in, 2.5-3.8 lb Sleeping and waking cycles are establishing... > More on what baby's up to
	Weeks 33-36 (Month 8): Honeydew Average size: 17.2-18.7 in, 4.2-5.8 lb Growth is slowing, and baby may soon descend...  > More on what baby's up to
	Weeks 37-Delivery (Month 9): Watermelon Average size: 18.9-20.9 in, 6.2-9.2 lb Full term! Baby's finally ready for the outside world... > More on what baby's up to

7th week

For those who been wondering what been happening to me, I am happy to say... I am fine. :)

Today i am exactly 7 weeks pregnant. I went for my ultrasound and i finally get to hear my baby's heartbeat!

Before today, i have been so anxious. I really wondered how i survived everyday with that amount of anxiety i had.

I am so grateful now. 

Virtual Therapy for the Soul

http://www.mayyoubeblessedmovie.com/

opps

Accidently deleted my previous post while trying to edit it, feeling a little sorry for losing all those wonderful comments. :(

 

My birthday gift

A close friend asked me this question.

" What do you want for your birthday this year?"

I said " I want a positive pregnancy test, my beta test happens to be 1 day before my 32nd birthday"

my friend then asked " What if....... ?? "

I said " honestly, at this moment, i dont even want to think about the what ifs, i just want to be completely freely naively recklessly positively optimistic. "

some updates of IVF

My IVF process went smoothly and I praise God for it. I started my cycle with an antral follicle count which reflected a low count of 6 to 7. I always had low antral follicle count and am a low responder since my first cycle years back, so this was expected.

I had 11 days of puregon injection at 600iu daily and 4 doses of orgulatron injection. This time, my follicles grow very synchronously. My egg retrieval went really smoothly. I had 7 eggs retrieved and 5 of them were matured. This was a very good number of eggs for me, considering my low antral follicle count. Thank God for that.

I did a day 3 embryo transfer yesterday afternoon. Out of my 5 mature eggs, all 5 fertilized with ICSI and all 5 made it to day 3 with no fragmentation. I transferred 3 embryos of 9 cells, 6 cells, and 4 cells thats about to multiply. I get to have 2 of my extra embryos freeze! Its really amazing for me, this is the best IVF process I had.

I did nothing special this round. I just stop worrying so much, I rely completely on God's grace and the professionalism of the doctor. My doctor and hubby being away for that 2 days did not affect the process as it just so happened that my ER and ET were done after.

My hubby held my hands while i still lay in bed and prayed each morning during the entire IVF. He prays the most heartfelt lovely prayer each morning, about his yearning for a child, for my health, for our family. His faith gave me strength and took most of my worries away.

A few other blessings in our lives right now are, my pekingese dog who was on medication everyday for the past 2 years has finally recovered from his chronic illness and is now without medication and doing well.

My daughter had flu and recovered really quickily from it without passing it to me or my hubby during the ivf process.

Funny how, prior to beginning this cycle, we were so worryied that it manifested as a very angry me and a 'zoned out' hubby. But it turned out to such a smooth cycle.

Now i begin my 2 weeks wait. :)

MercyMe - Bring the Rain

desperation level test

The beginning of my 5th IVF started with

1. beginning ivf on a friday the 13th.
2. hubby scheduled for 2 days overseas work trip around hcg trigger time.
3. gynae going away for 3 days around hcg trigger time.
4. accepting that the nurses at the clinic of choice seemed even more confused than i am.
5. very upset with workaholic hubby for being very neglectful and dismissive.
6. proceeding with the ivf knowing all of the above.

Shucks! I really dont think that starting in a happy mood or a messed up mood does any difference to my ivf outcome.

I need to be keeping my stress level down. I am keeping my eyes closed this time, whatever the outcome.. its meant to be... doesnt matter if i started IVF with great nurses or on a good date.

Damn, i am feeling so angry having to cope with this bloody anxiety again. But angry or not, in my heart, I am crying out for a favourable outcome.

Welcome to my IVF Antagonist day 1 of Puregon 600iu injection. Round 5.. I will survive and thrive.. Posterity will follow!

long hair going short hair

yesterday, I did something totally crazy.
I went to Shunji Matsuo Hair Salon at Wellington building and the Japanese Hair Stylist asked me what i wanted, I want a change in my hairstyle...dont want my hair to stick to the sides of my head as they were limp. He suggested he would style it short or keep it long and perm it.

I decided to just choose what i am not comfortable with as the inertia for change was high , you see, I have been wearing my hair the same way for the past 20 years.

Same goes for the colouring, i chose warm copper tone instead of my usual cool yellow based tone.

Now, i have face length short hair with a warm red tone. . . ..Still, I am not so sure about going red, I am still trying to get use to it... But i think generally it did turn out fine .

A friend text messenged me the nicest thing in my moment of neediness after i chopped off my long hair..

" Cutting of long hair signifies leaving the old behind and starting a brand new beginning. I look forward to see a brand new you with a fresh outlook in your life! "

How sweet!

Always been undergoing IVF as a long hair girl... I am looking forward to a successful one in roughly 10 days as a short hair girl!! :)

Coming soon

I will be starting my 5th IVF cycle in roughly 2 weeks time. The protocol of choice is Antagonist and the hospital of choice is Gleneagles Medical Centre.

Meanwhile, Happy Chinese Lunar New Year!

my 2009 resolution

A friend who is into fengshui told me that this morning is my golden lock hours. A good time to write down my resolutions for the year. Here it goes.

1. Plan for up to 3 rounds of IVF this year to have another child.

- im in the process of looking for a new fertility doctor. I have consulted with Prof S C Ng in gleneagles www.ogpartners.com. He recommended i do a natural IVF cycle since i am a low responder. My alternatives are LC Cheng at Thomson Medical Centre and Roland Chieng of SGH.

- have a smooth pregnancy and a smooth delivery and a healthy 2nd child

2. Control my weight, improve health ( portion control, make wise choices, exercise)

- portion control ; Scoop the amount of food i need only my plate before i begin tucking in. If eating out, do not finish up whatever is on my plate during each meal

- Make wise food choices; choose healthier less calories, more nutritious food.

- do not snack on tidbits

- exercise : before ivf begins, jog for 20 mins, at least 2 times a week.

3. Get new hobbies, re-visit old ones. Relax , sit down, allow myself to get interested and read a book . 1 good book a month. Learn new skills like baking , have fun with cooking, explore...

4. Acknowledge that i am free to be me, no circumstances, no person is stopping me from living joyously me.

5. Be a supportive wife to my husband and a loving mother to my daughter